August 2000 Tech 
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   The Dumpster Divers Guide to
 Restoration Handtools
 By The Liberty Nightshift

Many of you who have been afflicted with affluence for most of your lives have been sheltered from the joys of discovery and adventure that lies within the discarded offal of our wastefull societies. The purpose of this primer is to initiate novices as to some of the basic and important motorcycle tools that can be gleaned from these Horns O' Plenty that surround our everyday life.

We shall start with the most basic: (first slide please,.....)

The Liberty Nightshift searches out the elusive glass bead....
The Gavel

This basic disciplinary tool is ideal for judiciously coercing a stubborn exhaust,or administrating justice to errant studs. My original hardwood dumpster-find has been relegated to the lower chambers after many years on the bench, replaced by this equally decisive, yet gentle,  find. Although its handle had to be shortened for balance, it is quite effective for bringing a set of cases to order. Diver's Tip: Where you find one, there are often three more.)

(Next slide, please.....)

The Swab

Soft copper is the poor man's beryllium. This non-sparking composite tool is loaded with a rag for flexibly swabbing out the difficult reaches of oil and gas tanks. Note the eye is carefully formed with a cold chisel. (Diver's Tip: A spin-cast fishing rod handle with a collet for easy replacement of the probe would be ideal!)

(Next slide, please.....)

The Wipe

The ultimate forceps: these were one of two sets a buddy recovered, and he kept an enormous set for himself. Technically, I have been told these are termed "vaginal wipes". Now, I am terribly insecure because I have a small wipe.

(Next slide, please,...)


This is an indespensible tool, which has even eliminated the need for a pump on my solvent tanks. Its ablility to plunge oil galleries and prime carbs is unmatched.

A critic called naming my turkey baster "Ellen" degenerate. But she  thought "Monica" stenciled on my shop-vac was cute.

(Next slide, please,....)

The Hole Punch

It has been said that a device like this must have been used to install skirted fenders at the factory.

Most commonly encountered around dumpsters in major urban areas, they rarely are worth retrieving, as they rarely hold tight tolerances. Like the lowly milwaukie sportster, abuses by previous owners usually render them a liability.

  Next month: Tools Used for Other Than What They were Designed For
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